Saturday, June 11, 2011

Divorce Fears Not Realized

I knew my marriage was not good for me or for my kids, and had not been for a long time. My husband was a self centered man and paid little or no attention to me or the kids. He refused to go to counseling. I resisted divorce for a long time but several things made me realize that living without a father would be no worse for my kids than living with the one they had. We did nothing as a family and he took no part in raising them.

I remember the day my 5 year old son came up to his dad who was reading Time magazine after work. My son wanted to show him something but his dad said don't bother me I'm reading. Once in awhile we all do things like that but I realized that this was typical behavior for my husband.

Shortly after we moved to Aberdeen SD I told him that I was going to divorce him. I can't imagine where I got the courage. His reaction was "We can't afford it." I had already worked out a financial plan that was fair, and said I was hiring a lawyer. He did not get a lawyer, did not appear in court, and never mentioned it again. I stayed in Aberdeen long enough to finish my degree to become a school counselor.

It was a huge step for me, and I worried a lot about telling my parents. As it turned out, they were very upset the evening I told them. By morning they had decided he was a "dirty rat". They wanted me to come home to LA to live with them. I had had enough of other people controlling my life. It was the first time I ever said no to my dad.

My new found confidence, represented by the white side of my piece, has helped me live a better and happier life since then.